UGH!

Today was not the happy occasion I was hoping for or even the sad day I was afraid of ... it was worse.

I got a positive on my blood pregnancy test HOWEVER it was low. The nurse explained that they like to see HCG levels at 50 and mine were at 38. They are having me come in for another blood test on Friday to see if the HCG levels have at LEAST doubled. If they haven’t it means that either the embryos either stopped developing or miscarried. She seemed cautious in the way she explained the levels and skeptical that they would double that much by Friday. To make matters worse I had just taken a home pregnancy test not 10min before she called and it was positive. Fertility treatments make a positive test result tricky.

I think I am in a state of shock. At least if she would have said, no I am sorry your test results were negative. I could have cried my eyes out, got over it and resolve myself to knowing that we were going to have to try again. If she would have said yes without strings attached, we could have celebrated even though there are still risks of losing the pregnancy in the 1st trimester. Instead ... I get a maybe ... a maybe! All I can do is be numb; I sort of cried and am sort of hopeful. I don't really know what to do with myself. Ugh! It is sooooo frustrating!

Now I just wait ... again until Friday to do this whole terrible day over again. How very painful.