No ...

Our first round of IVF was unsuccessful. The HCG levels dropped from 38 to 24.5. The nurse said that we were not pregnant and that when we were ready, to contact the doctor and we could try again.

To say I was devastated would be an understatement, but crying, sobbing ... helps. I spent the day with a friend since my husband was at work. I knew I didn't want to be alone when I got the phone call today, either way. I don't think I would have been able to stop crying today if I didn't have her there to help. This is the part you try to prepare yourself for during fertility treatments ... you try to remind yourself that it usually takes a few tries that it’s going to be ok, God has a plan. There really is no way to prepare yourself and at that moment you are angry at God and do not feel any peace or that he has a plan, just sadness for the loss you have just felt, again.

I think part of what was hardest was that they give you a picture of the embryos that they transfer ... most would see them as rather insignificant ... but to someone who wants so baby to be a mother, they are "her babies" and now they are gone.

We will be fine and life will go on yet for right now I am letting in the sadness for a short while and then pressing forward. We will try again but we may or may not try again in December; it is too soon to say.

Thank you all for your prayers, love and support.