Sunday, August 23, 2009

Step 3.2 ... another "detour"

GRRR ... another detour in the road.

So, I went in for my "suppression check" (ultrasound to look at my ovaries) the Thursday before last and I had a cyst on my left ovary. They had me come in this last Thursday and the cyst had actually gotten larger instead of smaller so long story short we can't begin our IVF treatment.

When I went in to have the ultrasound this last time the doctor asked "Did you empty your bladder?" to which I replied "Yes, completely". His next response was a bit alarming as he says "oh, that is your cyst, it almost looks like a full bladder". I thought in my head holy crap ... THAT'S HOW BIG IT IS! The cyst is so large it is pushing my uterus out of the way. Fun times. The reason we can't start the rest of the fertility meds is that the cyst would be the only thing that would grow, no eggs would develop. As the nurse put it, all I would get is a really expensive cyst. The doctor decided since I have "young ovaries" that, that is the reason why my body responded the way it did. When they got my blood work back my estrogen was at 700 from the cyst (normal range 25-75 or 200 when ovulating!) Crazy!

We are now going to wait for it to resolve on its own for about a month. I am going on vacation in about 9 days so its fine. Now I can go in the hot tub and have a martini if I want. :o) It is just lame to have another detour in the road on our journey to having kids. Wish us luck.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Step 3

OK, well the medications arrived Wednesday on our front porch. ~Step 3 = I have now completed 2 Lupron SQ (subcutaneous / in the fatty tissue) injections on myself in the tummy. They give you insulin needles (tiny) so it is really not that bad, it just itches a little for a while after the injection. I believe the Luperon is to help better "control" my ovulation. The first shot was kind of exciting, I was gitty all day to finally "start" the fertility medications. I have weeks and LOTS of shots to go. I did a lot of reading today on IVF and IFV medications as well as ICSI. It is still all very confusing.

I am excited to start the actual fertility medications. I am happy and sad all at once. I am not really sure what the problem is, but I feel down. When I was reading today about infertility the writer described the couples (women specifically) going through infertility treatments as fragile ... when I read that line I realized that was exactly how I have been feeling. I feel very isolated and fragile. It is difficult to want something in such an incredibly deep way and there really is nothing you can do and no one who can really, truly understand what you are going through or how it feels.

I have amazing friends and family so it is not like I am being abandoned or anything it is just that there is such a loss that goes along with fertility treatments and it is difficult to try to articulate or explain in any real way. It is like all of the "fun" of trying to have a baby is sucked out and it is all business. All consuming, whole hearted investment, business. That of course is before all the hormones kick in, then the roller coaster I am sure gets crazier!

That is all I have today, just lonely and sad. It might be related to the shots I am taking who knows. I will be fine I just feel like I am on the grueling uphill stretch of a never ending journey. It's exhausting. :o1

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Step 2

OK, we just got home from a mini vacation in the good ol' Windy City of Chicago. Fun times. :o) Now that we are back home it is back to business.

Step 2 = making sure all appointments are made, payments are done and medications are ordered.

We are still trying to finalize financing but I did order my fertility medications today! It feels like a really big step that totally commits you to going through with the first IVF treatment! The medications will be on our doorstep tomorrow, CRAZY!

I am glad to have something to be excited about. Our financing for the "Attain or Cost Share" program went south and now we are trying to figure out if we are going to "pay as we go" or scramble to find more funding for the "safer" financial plan. I was completely devastated when an unnamed (we will just call them evil-express) credit card company reduced our credit limit on the day our fertility place tried to process our costs! Dirty! The evil-express company denied coverage and then sent us an "automated" message letting us know our account had been reduced effective immediately. When I called for an explanation it was because we had been making "minimum balance" payments on all of our credit card accounts, not late payments or missed payments but "minimum balance" payments. They are not supposed to have access to information from our other accounts, dirty dogs!

Anyway, we have enough financing to cover just one treatment and possible 1-2 frozen embryo transfers if we have any. The benefit of the "Coast Share / Attain" plan is that once you get funding for the treatments you don't have to think about it again you just move on with each treatment where as paying for each cycle individually stresses you out because you have to go find funding EVERY time.

That is why I am happy the medicine is at least on its way, it is nice to have something to look forward to, regardless of weather or not we will be able do another treatment for a while.

Wish us luck! :o)