OK, well the medications arrived Wednesday on our front porch. ~Step 3 = I have now completed 2 Lupron SQ (subcutaneous / in the fatty tissue) injections on myself in the tummy. They give you insulin needles (tiny) so it is really not that bad, it just itches a little for a while after the injection. I believe the Luperon is to help better "control" my ovulation. The first shot was kind of exciting, I was gitty all day to finally "start" the fertility medications. I have weeks and LOTS of shots to go. I did a lot of reading today on IVF and IFV medications as well as ICSI. It is still all very confusing.
I am excited to start the actual fertility medications. I am happy and sad all at once. I am not really sure what the problem is, but I feel down. When I was reading today about infertility the writer described the couples (women specifically) going through infertility treatments as fragile ... when I read that line I realized that was exactly how I have been feeling. I feel very isolated and fragile. It is difficult to want something in such an incredibly deep way and there really is nothing you can do and no one who can really, truly understand what you are going through or how it feels.
I have amazing friends and family so it is not like I am being abandoned or anything it is just that there is such a loss that goes along with fertility treatments and it is difficult to try to articulate or explain in any real way. It is like all of the "fun" of trying to have a baby is sucked out and it is all business. All consuming, whole hearted investment, business. That of course is before all the hormones kick in, then the roller coaster I am sure gets crazier!
That is all I have today, just lonely and sad. It might be related to the shots I am taking who knows. I will be fine I just feel like I am on the grueling uphill stretch of a never ending journey. It's exhausting. :o1
4 comments:
Melissa,
I am so excited for you and Michael. I wish I was in the area to give you more support! I am always thinking of your family and this difficult journey being taken. Although I don't know how you truly feel, as a woman who may have to go through a similar process to conceive children, I too have had those thoughts. Just know that Michael and you are not alone. Please call me anytime you feel like talking, I will listen!
Karen V
WOW, Thank you sweetie! Hugs.
You can come over here any time you need some company! I know I can't truly understand how you feel, but I think it is sort of a mourning process. Taking the meds means you have to let go of the hope that you'd get pregnant on you own right? That's probably how I would feel. I am so proud of you and how strong you are.
It is certainly a mourning process. A lot of the fun and suprise gets taken away having to do fertility treatments. I appreciate your offer to come over, thank you. :o)
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