Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Time ...

I can't believe it has been over 3 months since we had to have a D&C. I have been distracted by school I suppose. It took me until just about a month ago I guess to not burst into tears think about things. This IVF cycle it was seeing pregnant women that hurt, like razor blades to my heart, although seeing babies didn't feel much better either. I am always happy for people when I see they have been blessed to have children. Yet, it seems to also remind me that having children of my own seems like a completely unobtainable plight!
We have no idea what we are going to do next! We do not have the money for another full round of IVF. We have only done 1 single round of IVF resulting in 1 fresh embryo transfer and one FET (Frozen). We are looking @ the option of adoption, one we plan to do regardless of what happens with IVF. All of which takes financed we do not currently have. I know God will work something out, I just don’t know what we are supposed to do?
There was a message or pastor at church talked about last week. It talked about “waiting on God” or “acting in faith” … it’s hard to know which to do since both have a biblical base. During this storm … I am lost on whether we should “stay in the boat” (wait in faith) or “get out of the boat” (walk in faith).  It really is not “black or white”; it truly is a deep shade of grey.
For now, we wait, as we have for 8 years. Heartbreaking …

No comments: