Time ...

I feel cursed to wait an eternity for the thing I have wanted most in life ... children.

I know in my head that "now is not the time" but it still hurts in my heart. I am doing much better with trusting that God is going to take care of not only our needs but also our "heart's desires". I feel a bit like I was missed on the "heart's desires" list ... 7 years running. :o( I see all the left over fertility medications in my frig and think ... wow these cost almost $2k and they EXPIRE next March and there is nothing I can do about it except wait, awesome.

Big sigh ... :o(

At least I have a new job to distract me ... for now. :o)

Time

It's hard not to freak-out about the time that keeps slipping by as we have to wait to move forward with our fertility treatments. We had to pay our first "storage fees" because it had been a YEAR since our 1st IVF trial. I am sad to think that 2 potential babies are just sitting in storage. The prospect of having a child of our own seems so close & yet so far away. (sigh)

We are in such a devastating financial state right now the idea of another IVF cycle is far from reality at this point. God has a plan I know yet, it is certainly "not right now".

Now we wait.

No idea ...

I have no idea when we are going to do another round of fertility treatments. Apparently God has something else planned for this time in our lives. We have no finances to proceed so now we simply wait until God provides ... waiting seems to be the worst part of this whole process. That and not knowing if this will ever work out. Sigh.

IVF # 2

Well, we are going to attempt a FET (frozen embryo transfer) in August. I start the medications sometime soon ... not sure exactly when. I started the birth contol pills this evening so hopefully they don't make me sick or gain weight. :o)

I had been doing really well with not having kids for quite a while this time yet, I had a really rough day on Sunday. We were at a friend's house with tons of kids playing on a trampoline and all the mom's & dad's around a fire pit ... I was feeling down and very stressed from work so that didn't help. I just felt uncomfortable being the only couple there without kids. I hate it actually and really don't know what God is waiting for ... I could cry over it but I am too stressed over things at work. One day at a time.
I did get to meet the new little son of a friend of mine. Eli, he is so cute and grunts like a little piggy. It's quite precious. His mommy and daddy waited a long time for his to come so I am especially happy for them. :o)

Hummmmm

Now with no school to distract me ... I really have the baby bug!!!

Sigh ...

I want to have a healthy baby of my own ... sigh.

Someday ...

I went to another baby shower ... I did really well this time. I am too distracted by studying for my NCLEX to focus too much on REALLY wanting a baby (or two, lol). I am happy for my friend who is having the baby ... she was adorable at her shower.


It would be really awesome to have a baby shower of my own ....... some day. Sigh.

June

I am really hoping that we will have the money to do another IVF treatment in June. Keep us in your prayer. :o)

AAAHHHHHH!!!!!

OMG my NCLEX-RN exam is scheduled for April 27, 2010 at 0800!!! I feel like throwing up, AHHHH!




Please dear God help me to pass!!!!

More likely the month of May ...

Well I graduate from nursing school in a matter of days! (This Saturday!!) I am looking forward to being off of the nursing school merry-go-round! It will be at least 4-6 weeks until I take my state exam so we decided to try again after I PASS my NCLEX. (More likely the month of May) That should relieve a LOT of stress and help us be successful. I really hope that we are able to get pregnant this next try otherwise we will have to wait until after we pay off at least a few credit cards until we can try again!!! It is just so very expensive!

Keep us in your prayers that this next try is successful! Hugs.