Ironic ...

I found this "unpublished" post from back in 2010:

4/18/10:
Now would be nice...

I went to another baby shower ... I did really well this time. I am too distracted by studying for my NCLEX to focus too much on REALLY wanting a baby (or two, lol). I am happy for my friend who is having the baby ... she was adorable at her shower.

It would be really awesome to have a baby shower of my own ... some day. Sigh.

UPDATE 2/8/15:

Oh my goodness! How ironic is it that the weekend I am finally able to get back into my "Baby Journey" blog is the weekend of my very own shower!?! I found this older "unpublisged" post (from 5 years ago?!?) talking about going to a friend's shower & here I am FINALLY having one of my own!!! God is awesome!!! ~Feeling very blessed & humbled. ;o)

Yeah, updates!

07Feb2015

Yeah!!! I was finally able get back into this blog. I thought I would post some updates! If you are new to reading this blog the posts scroll from newest to oldest. If you want the full story, please read from the beginning (2008), thank you.

04Oct2014
I had decided in 2014 to create a private fb page to replace this blog (because I could NOT figure out how to get back into it to make updates) so below is the first post I created on Facebook.


One couple's heartfelt journey to have a family.

I decided to start this face book (fb) group to convert my old blog that was created in November of 2008 into a more “current” format. I greatly appreciate the love & support Michael & I have received over the past 6+ years! We wanted an easier way to keep our friends and family up to date as well as provide myself with a therapeutic outlet when times get really stressful and hormones really kick in.

This fb group is meant to be a safe place for all of us to communicate & may one day be shared with others who struggle with fertility issues. Please be respectful & kind when posting on this privet group—otherwise you will unfortunately be removed from the group. Thank you for your respectful consideration

2014-2015

Wow, it's been so long since I was able to access & post on this blog. I thought I would try to take the time to update things since we finally have GREAT news!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Michael & I ended up being able to save money over 2013-2014 since we were both working two jobs. We literally set up an automatic withdrawal from our account (into savings) & just threw as much as we could into savings. We went back to our fertility specialist & set up a time line to do our 2^nd round of IVF (a round includes an egg retrieval & transfer). We ended up taking out a small loan through one of the financing options provided by SRM.

On July 31^st , 2014 I did my second egg retrieval & by August 5^th we did our 3^rd ever IVF transfer. We again transferred 2 embryos & on September 4^th we had a 7 week ultrasound to confirm that we were pregnant!!! (We wanted to wait to get excited until after the ultrasound this time [instead of blood work] since we had such heartbreak last time). So, at our 7 week ultrasound we found out that YES indeed we were pregnant & SURPRISE … we’re having TWINS!!! :o) We ended up only telling close friends & family about being pregnant with twins until after around 20 weeks (just in case). Now the BOYS are well on their way (I’m 29 weeks) and we are expecting to have a C-section (d/t my previous surgeries) some time at the end of March!!!!

We feel so very blessed & it is still weird to think that this is actually happening. I think after being told “no” for almost 10 years … it was so strange to transition to … “oh, yes … this is actually happening”.  I can tell that I really don’t understand that there are 2 little boys on their way but I am excited and nervous to start this new journey into parenthood!!!

Time ...

I can't believe it has been over 3 months since we had to have a D&C. I have been distracted by school I suppose. It took me until just about a month ago I guess to not burst into tears think about things. This IVF cycle it was seeing pregnant women that hurt, like razor blades to my heart, although seeing babies didn't feel much better either. I am always happy for people when I see they have been blessed to have children. Yet, it seems to also remind me that having children of my own seems like a completely unobtainable plight!
 
We have no idea what we are going to do next! We do not have the money for another full round of IVF. We have only done 1 single round of IVF resulting in 1 fresh embryo transfer and one FET (Frozen). We are looking @ the option of adoption, one we plan to do regardless of what happens with IVF. All of which takes financed we do not currently have. I know God will work something out, I just don’t know what we are supposed to do?
 
There was a message or pastor at church talked about last week. It talked about “waiting on God” or “acting in faith” … it’s hard to know which to do since both have a biblical base. During this storm … I am lost on whether we should “stay in the boat” (wait in faith) or “get out of the boat” (walk in faith).  It really is not “black or white”; it truly is a deep shade of grey.
 
For now, we wait, as we have for 8 years. Heartbreaking …

Heartache ...

I guess it has been a while since I have been on my blog ... unfortunately I had to have a D&C at 9 weeks because we found out that the baby was not developing properly due to Trisomy 16. We were heartbroken & devastated. Then we found out it was a girl ... I am really struggling with the loss now that it is more real, more personal. I have been in a bad funk. It is hard to explain. I trust God, I know He has a plan for us yet I feel stuck. I feel like I am trapped inside my head and no one knows or even really notices. I have a harder time enjoying myself ... I just feel ... not myself. I don't really feel depressed or anything. I just feel ... yuck! ... just nothing really & yet at the same time raw. I continue to pray & I constantly (especially at night) think of my little girl & what we should name her. Until then ... heartache.

We are officially pregnant!

After over 7.5 years of trying ... over 90 months of hoping ... over 2,737 days of waiting we are officially pregnant for the first time ever! I am half in shock half totally excited! I don't even know what to say except ... thank you God!

Transfer

Our FET (frozen embryo transfer) went well on the 27th. We went to Seattle around 1-130 to have the before transfer acupuncture then had the transfer around 230. We stayed after to have the post acupuncture treatment & then left around 3pm or so I believe. The worst part of the transfer was having a super full bladder.

I will explain more about the detail of the transfer later. ;o)